I Need You --

I didn’t know rather to be thankful you weren’t yelling or to be even more frustrated with you. In the end I picked frustrated.

“I don’t even know what I saw in you to begin with!”

Now that I look back, I can’t really remember if I muttered the words through gritted teeth or spat them in your face. I guess it doesn’t matter now. I keep telling myself that you never meant anything to me and yet its been two years and I still can’t get you out of my head.

I admit I’m wrong and I miss you and I want you to come home…come back home to me, because I need you...



December 31,2009...

It’s New Years eve and I’ve decided to put you behind me. It’s been two years, I haven’t heard from you since I stormed out of your apartment on Christmas day. Every Christmas I lay on the couch and watch it’s a wonderful life though I don’t laugh at anymore. Without you, it isn’t really that funny.

I spent this past week thinking a lot. About us. I think it’s time for me to forget about you and move on. That’s why I’m going to this party…so I can forget that there was ever an us.

The party seemed like too much too soon and too fast. The crowd was large, the music was loud, I felt as if I was suffocating. While the party goers screamed the numbers of the countdown I was trying to make my way to the door.

Ten…nine…eight…

“Excuse me.” I muttered as I made my way through the crowd.

Seven…six…five…

There was way too many people in this room and the door seemed so far away.

Four…three…two…

“Uh sorry.” I reached out to steady the now swaying girl who I managed to bump into. Maybe I imagined the scent of vanilla and coffee…I had to have been, I told myself. I looked down at the small petite girl in my arms. I could hear the crowd pause right before the yelled. It all seemed to fly in blur but at the same time drag out into slow motion that I thought would last forever.

One…

“Alex” her name came out in quick breath.

“Ah, Jace, wow.” she sounded breathless as she looked up at me.

Man have I missed those wide green eyes, the scent of vanilla from her shampoo, and the smell of coffee that lingered on her skin from the coffee shop where she worked.
“I was just going to get some air. Do you wanna’ join me.” I asked probably sounding desperate.

“Sure.” She nodded and gave me her best smile. I miss that too. The way she would smile as if she didn’t have a care in the world.

I pulled on my coat and helped her into hers and opened the door to walk out into the biting cold. We walked along the snowy streets of New Jersey. We talked for awhile before we stopped at a bus stop.

“Do you remember this bus stop?” I laughed wryly.

“If you’re referring to our first kiss, then yes I do.” she said with a smile which in return made me grin.

Alex and I shared our first kiss at a bus stop. It wasn’t the most romantic, it wasn’t even the least bit romantic, she didn’t even want to kiss me.

“I remember I had to beg you to go out with me that night.” I sighed “ I took you to that stupid, fancy restaurant and spilt a glass of red wine on your dress.” I ended with a smile the started again, “You wore a soft green dress that came down right above your knees. I don’t remember if I told you but you really did look beautiful that night. You always look beautiful.”

I breathed in deeply and blew it out. I watched as my frosted breath disappeared. I wanted to apologize for how I treated her and tell her just how much she meant to me. I drew in another breath as I looked at her. This may be the only time I can tell her how I feel.

“Just do it” I told myself.

“Uh, Alex, I’ve had a long time to think about what happened between us and how I should tell you how sorry I am. I don’t remember what we fought about the night we broke up, it‘s probably the only thing I don’t remember about us.”

I looked her straight in the eyes and continued.

“Alex I-I’m sorry…I’m so sorry for everything that happened, for the way things ended, for never trying to fix it, and for being such a jerk.”

I didn’t think she heard me. She stood there silent. She looked down as if she couldn’t look at me any longer, and that’s when I heard it, her soft sobs. I wanted to pull her into my arms, to put an end to her cries, to wipe away her tears. I stood there watching the way her shoulders fell up and down as she cried. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore I took her into my arms and rocked her back and forth. I pulled away a few minutes after she had stopped crying. I stared down at her watery eyes and tear stained cheeks.

“Do you really not remember what we fought about?” her voice cracked as she spoke.

“No. No, I don’t.” I replied fighting the urge to kiss her pale lips.

It was then she pulled away and laughed a shaky laugh. She hugged her a coat tightly around herself. She looked up at the sky, and watched as the snow fell from the dark clouds. I noticed how the snow fell onto her white knitted beret and into her dark brown hair which was curled. She didn’t wear it that way often but when she did I loved it.

I let my eyes travel down to her brown suede coat. she wore a white dress, that reminded of a sweater, underneath. My eyes went to the black leggings that I knew covered her long tan legs. She wore a pair of white leg warmers over her black boots. My gaze returned to her face. Her make up was flawless. Her eyes encased in a smokey black that made her eyes a dark shade of emerald.

She turned to face me wiping away the drops of water the snow had become. Then she looked at me with those immaculate green eyes. And as we stood there staring at one another I realized this was it. This is exactly how are fight had started. She had drew in a deep breath, looked at me, and we just stared at each other .

“Jace, that night I told you I loved you and how happy you made me.”

she looked like she was disappointed in me.

“I don’t remember exactly what was said after that but I know you never told me those same words.”

Now I remember she had poured her heart and soul out to me and I panicked. I yelled at her. I accused her of things I knew she would never have done. All because I was scared to tell her that I loved her….




December 25,2007...


“Jace, I love you.” she had said it as we were leaving our apartment to go to our friends Christmas party.

“What?” It sounded as if I was questioning her sanity.

“These past few months, you’ve made me so happy.”

“Are you pregnant?” the words came through gritted teeth.

“What” her voice was so low.

“You heard me!” I spat in her face. “I know its not mine. So what the daddy didn’t want it? What makes you think I want it? Because I don’t and I don’t want you!” I practically screamed.

“Jace.” her voice was just a whisper it was then I new I had broken her heart.

“I don’t even know what I saw in you to begin with!” the words echoed as I stormed out slamming the door behind me.



January 1,2009...

“Alex, Alexandra, I love you.” the words she had always wanted to hear spoken in a husky voice.

“It took you two years to realize that? Well you’re a little late” her voice cracked.

I took a step closer. The movement caused her eyes to roam over me. I watched her as her she looked at my black leather coat. Under that I wore a simple black suit. She examined my shoes then her gaze came back up to land on the straight black tie that was loose at the top where the white shirt I wore was slightly unbuttoned.

I took yet another step closer causing her eyes to snap up so she was looking into mine. Are faces inches apart I could feel her warm breath on the skin that was exposed from my shirt. I stared down into her liquid emerald eyes. I smiled, you could see her heart in her eyes.

“Its never too late.” My hands came up to frame her face as my lips claimed hers. I could feel her tears on my fingers has they slid down her cheeks. In return the kiss grew more possessive.

“I really love you, Alex, and I’m so sorry for what I did to you, sweetheart.” I whispered onto her lips.

“I love you too.” she whispered back.